Coming to Terms

Posted on Mon Jun 28th, 2021 @ 4:24am by Lieutenant JG Samantha Blake, Ph.D

Mission: The Thorion Conundrum Mission Brief
Location: Counselor's Offices

Samantha found herself wandering the hallways of the medical deck following her release from Sickbay. She had been treated for several minor injuries sustained during her captivity with the Orions. She knew the others had received worse treatment than she, but it was honestly the most horrible experience she'd ever had. She felt a need to emotionally unload, but her brother and Sheena were coping with his experience with the Orions.

Samantha soon found herself in front of a door that was labeled Counseling Services Section. She entered to find a Starfleet Hospital Corpsman sitting at a desk working on a computer.

The psych tech's desk had several pamphlets about faith based counseling, family serviceman outreach and holo therapy for addiction. The nurse was an attractive young woman with the name of Trammel on it. Ensign Katherine Trammel.

Trammel looked up and said, "Hi! Do you have an appointment with Doctor Herria?"

"No. I was wanting to make an appointment." Samantha's demeanor exhibited how conflicted she felt. Nervous shifting of weight from one foot to the other. Her lack of direct eye contact. She looked as if she were now rethinking her decision. "Doctor Herria is probably busy with more important people. Perhaps I should come back later."

The door to Herria's office opened and the Lieutenant gave a friendly smile. "Kate who is this?"

The blond psychatric nurse tilted her head, " This young woman had wanted to see you. We hadn't gotten as far as names..yet."

Alessa stuck out her hand, "I always say my door is open, Ensign Trammel here is somebody Sickbay has kept as a gatekeeper. Don't mind her. Come in, come in and have a seat. I am right now between appointments and was just going to cram my face with bagels."

She escorted her into the office, "Replicator is right there. If you need a snack, I have some tulaberry muffins I baked myself and tissues are over there in case you need them. Why don't you have a seat and tell me your name? From there we can make introductions and see what the problem is." Alessa offered her most reassuring and comforting smile.

Samantha replicated a Vulcan herbal tea and a cinnamon bagel before taking a seat. She extended her hand. "I'm Doctor Samantha Blake...and yes I am related to Ryan Blake. Sister, not wife though." She gave a weak smile. "Lot's of folks make the mistake of thinking we're married at first."

~Thats weird.. are they that close?~ Alessa thought.

"It must be odd to have to clarify your relationship like that, I take it the two of you are that close?" She took a sip of her own drink.

"Seriously this is a judgement free zone here, How are you doing? Has anybody updated you on his prognosis?" Alessa asked.

Samantha gave a shrug. "He has regained consciousness, but I understand the Chief Medical Officer is looking to keep him in Sickbay for 24 hour observation."

"He is going to need some cognative therapy there is some brain trauma as it was explained to me. When the time comes for his release I would like you to be there just so he has a familiar face." Alessa said.

"What are your feelings right now?" She asked.

Samantha shrugged at the question. She was obviously worried about her brother, but she also knew the other prisoners had experienced far worse than she. It had been clear that Angelina Brannon had been tortured, what with the bruises. Jamie, though not bruised nearly as bad, had received visits by many of the male captors over their stay at the Orion base. She didn't want to imagine what had happened to either woman. "I...don't know what I feel or...even how I should feel."

"Trauma is something we all feel, the absence of emotion doesn't make you a bad person, you are still processing. Let me ask you a few questions okay? Do you feel any guilt over this? Do you think you had anything to do with the capture?" Alessa asked.

Right now the thoughts of Kietel in her mind thinking what kind of tough love advice he would give.

Samantha shook her head. Intellectually, she knew there was nothing she could have done to affect the outcome of the Thorion III incident. "I don't feel any guilt over what happened, but...," she paused as she considered the questions. "...I think Ryan blames himself."

Alessa made some notes, "Commander Ryan, seemed to have been involved in a beating, he is a popular officer by all accounts but we aren't here to really talk about him, well in a round about Roshamon way we are, its your perspective that I care about. You are his sister yes? You partook in some events that lead to it."

She took a sip of her coffee, then Alessa spoke again. "I understand some Orions made threats against you personally. A lot of the incident reports are classified or need to know and I am not on the need to know, But I can only imagine the terror you must have felt, But if you feel no associative guilt, and can only suppose what your brother is feeling.. well what he feels will come out in the wash. I am more concerned about you."

"The worst thing for me was the complete loss of control." Samantha was not one to delve deep into her psyche and speak on such matters. Her initial words even surprised her. "The neural device. It prevented me from taking any action unless I was ordered to. I couldn't even initiate a conversation, only respond if I was spoken to."

"Having loss of control is very hard, but remember it was the device, not you that caused this. Are you still experiencing any side effects?" Alessa asked.

Samantha shook her head. "None that I am aware of. I just feel like I need to do something to take control of my life back." She shrugged. Doesn't matter much anymore. The Embassy Opening Ceremony is in a few days and then I will be off to my next assignment."

"It always matters, see there is a concept that we have two wolves inside of us and one represents goodness and virtue and everything that makes us a decent person, the other is lust, greed ,avarice and anger. The one that you feed the most is the one that you become. But that's folklore. I would recommend you explore both your ability to control and your fears of loosing control. You can do it in a controlled environment such as the holodeck.

But for the time self care is important, have a cup of tea, listen to some music, take some anxiety medication and give yourself time to heal. What has happened to you is akin to mental rape. Thats not something that is going to be easy to overcome.

If cups of tea aren't your thing then there is something I can offer, but I cannot do it without consent from you. I can enter your mind and remove some of the mental scaring. The risks involved is minimal to you, It won't help you if it happens again but I can put a block on the memory."

Alessa said. She wrote a prescription for an old drug called Adavan.

Samantha looked at the scrip and shook her head. "I don't want to take a mood stabilizer, at least not yet." She was also not keen on the idea of having someone try and repress her memories. "I will come back and talk to you if I feel the need though. Deal?"

"I recommend that medication in the short term, you have a neuro chemical imbalance that is going to mess with you. If you don't want medication, I want you to be able to talk to me." She spoke a little more commanding tone.

"I have dealt with trauma, letting go is a scary thing. Drowning yourself in work is not the answer, brushing it off is not the answer. Handling things head on is. Medication and therapy, plus cognative retraining is the standard course. I care, remember that."

Samantha nodded. She would take the Adavan for the short term. She wasn't going to like it. "Medication for the short term. How often should we do therapy sessions?"

"Lets say once a week for the next month one hour standard therapy and a half hour a week cognative and behavioral therapy in the holodeck?" Alessa suggested.

Samantha was thoughtful a moment before speaking. "Very well, but know that I may not be here for another month. The Federation Science Council, in cooperation with the Federation Diplomatic Corps, had me accompany the Leto on her mission to Thorion III. I could be gone as early as next week after the Embassy Opening Ceremony."

"I am not the only counselor in fleet and I can write up a plan of treatment for you to follow if that makes you feel any better. But it only works if you are willing to follow it. Give me one rotation to try it and if you don't like it talk to the Counselor the Embassy sends." Alessa offered.

Samantha nodded. She had never been one to put down roots. Staying in one place was not for her. She had enjoyed her time on the Leto and was going to miss it here. "Thank you Counselor."

"Before I let you walk out that door I want you to know home is wherever you make it, Friendships start when you open a fist and are willing to smile. Few girlfriends I have had started that way. So my advice, walk the halls. before you decide where you are going and what you are doing. Make sure its something you want to do. I will see you in a day or two for therapy yeah?" Alessa asked.

Samantha considered Alessa's words for a moment. She thought of the good times she had experienced aboard the Leto these last few months. 'Maybe...this...could be a home for me,' she thought. She stood up. "I will see you in two days then."

Alessa smiled at her with a broad girl next door kind of smile showing nothing but friendliness and admiration. "Two days then I send the white coats after you." She joked.

Samantha was about to turn to leave when she felt a sudden urge to show her gratitude for what Alessa had given her to think about. She initially reached out with her right hand, but her other arm came up and she found herself hugging Alessa. "Thank you so much." She felt a moments embarrassment for hugging Alessa without permission and started to stammer out an apology.

Alessa hugged her right back, she was the kind of person who loved giving and getting hugs, it made her feel like she had done her job. She whispered in her ear, "You are so welcome!"

As Sam started to apologize for her actions Alessa looked Samantha right in the eyes and spoke with utter confidence, "You have been through a lot. I am not a marine, I am not a particularly brave person and can only imagine what you have gone through. You are stronger then you think and you will get through this, and I hope you decide to stay because you made your first friend."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me." She gave Alessa another quick hug before turning to the door and leaving. She had a lot to think about and not much time to make decisions.